Rest In Peace Father Dunstan

I don’t actually know how I am going to react anymore. It all happened way too fast and I just can’t believe this is happening right now. Say whatever you want, that I’m over-reacting or that I’m making a big deal out of this. But those were real friends. They were not just Priests to us, they were best friends. When Father Andy died, Father Dunstan was saying mass from morning till the second to the last mass, which was, if I remember it correctly, 7 or 7:30 in the evening. After that last mass, I saw how tired he was, plus the fact that the sound system gave up that evening, he had to say mass without a microphone. His voice was hoarse, but he was still concerned about the guests, asking if they have eaten and whatnot.

He was also very loved by his students. Not just because he buys them pizza, or listens to them whenever they needed someone to talk to, but because he was so approachable, simply because of that.That makes it so hard,because it’s very rare to find someone you can talk to and who is very like-able just because they are very friendly.

I’m very lucky to have spent an enormous amount of time just talking to him every time I visit the school. He was always so happy, and it really was contagious. He was everyone’s best friend, and it really is hard to say goodbye to a friend. This is a different kind of sad, because it was really unexpected…

I know Father Dunstan  is happy where he is now. I know it happened way too fast. We’ll miss him,we’ll definitely miss him…

To tell you the truth, I never really stay there long enough to digest everything that’s happened, everything that’s new in my old school. It just breaks my heart that this is why I am going back to San Beda again…

Father Dunstan was and always will be our best friend…

Rest in Peace Father Dunstan…

Happy World Teachers Day!

Whatever I am today, whatever accomplishments that I have, I have achieved because of my teachers. I’ve got a lot of things to thank them for, and I owe a lot to them.

I’m sorry that sometimes you are not appreciated, that we sometimes fail to see that you are working hard to teach us, to make us strong, to make us wise. And we are thanking you because, in spite of all of this, you have never given up on us.

I’ve always been the noisy kid, despite what my teachers say about me (and I’m actually thanking them for covering up my bad side), I know I am as rowdy as some of the students. But I did try to make up for it, I recite in class, I study for the exams, but I still feel like I’ve forgotten to do something…

Then it hit me, I’ve forgotten to show how much I’ve appreciated the things that they did for me and for all the other students. I can’t thank them enough, even this post is not enough.

To my teachers, if you can read this…

I thank you for pushing me to my limits, never giving up on me when I’ve given up on myself, for believing in me, when I’ve stopped believing in myself. I thank you for listening to me, because when I needed someone to talk to you were there for me.

Thank you teachers for tolerating our rowdiness. For sharing jokes with us, for listening to us. These little things that you do for us and the things that you’ve taught us,we will always and forever keep in our hearts and in our minds. Do remember that if you also need someone to talk to, I’ll always be available to you like you were to me.

Happy Teacher’s Day!

If I die young…

When I was 12 or 13 years old, I made a list of things that I want to happen in the unfortunate event of my untimely demise. I made a playlist, which is ridiculous, and I listed a bunch of food that will be served, I don’t want to starve the guests to death (see what I did there? =))…no…okay….).

So basically, I had everything planned out, from my wake to my interment, all that’s left is me actually dying. Creepy as this may be, I actually had fun doing it. I’ve considered a lot of things and one thought that is very persistent is the possibility of no one coming. I don’t exactly know why though, because I’m sure my parents’ friends will be there, but it would be nice if people who I don’t expect to come will be there. Then again, I’m dead so it wouldn’t really matter.

My plans were really simple. I used to want to be cremated, at that time the thought of being locked up in a box was unappealing since I’m a bit claustrophobic. I wanted huge speakers beside my remains and I wanted the songs that I’ve listed, there were more than a hundred, to play 24/7. I wanted pasties for the guests and tea not coffee because I want them to rest after having to deal with everything. I wanted a full buffet even after I’m buried so that everyone’s full after burying me, because not much is going to happen afterwards. I remember making a will, and back then all I have in my possession were my playing cards which I’ve kept up to this day, Magic: The Gathering, Yugi-oh, Pokemon, and a lot more, which I’ve divided to my cousin Arnold, to my sisters (we were just three back then), and to my parents. That was it.

Everyday since then, I’ve been open to the possibility of dying very young, and I’m trying to convince myself that I’m ready, which quite honestly, I’m not. I’ve become very paranoid when I’m out alone and it bothers me because I look weird when I’m trying to check my surroundings, I can’t do the Sherlock type of subtly looking at everything.

Anyway, right now, I don’t know what I really want to happen. I’ve witnessed enough deaths in my life and I’ve been very weird these past few months which kind of made me very…I don’t know what the right word is, not sad because that’s an understatement, not even depressed because that’s too much, just weird.

Maybe a rainbow would be nice during my burial. I am even willing to leave money for the brave soul who would wear a no face  costume and just stand beside my remains. As for the things I will be leaving, I only have my books now, my family could just get what they want and donate what’s left.

Basically, I want all that was said in the song to happen, cliche as the lyrics are. Except maybe for the bed of roses part…and the sinking in the river part,I wanti to be visited…and sending away with the words of a love song…other than that, the song hit the nail on its head

And! is it weird that I someone to play these at my funeral

More importantly the Reichenbach ballad

Hey, I’m dead so it doesn’t really matter.

Rest In Peace Father Andy

I will really miss him. We will all miss him.

I have never known anyone who had the kind of charisma and warm presence that Father Andy exudes. I really still cannot believe it.

When I transferred to San Beda Alabang, I was a 5th grader then, I really did not like the place to be honest. Not because of the people, it is mostly because I have to start again from scratch and adapt to this new environment, which naturally, nobody would like. The first mass that I had attended in Beda was probably the most memorable mass that I had, because I have never ever been able to listen to a priest so intently in my life before that. Father Andy was presiding that mass. He was the one who has helped me become closer to God and has indirectly helped me through some of my tough times.

All the monthly masses that we had with him suddenly flashed before my eyes. I remember the sweets that he gives to students who participated in his little game, the cross necklaces for the monthly birthday celebrants, the acrostics that we have eventually memorized. He was a performer during mass, and I am not talking about loud and over the top antics that some priests do. He makes us laugh, cry, sometimes both, with just 15 minutes or less of him talking  in front of us. We did not mind that he would always repeat his acrostics or the sermons, we just look forward to every single mass and enjoy and laugh and cry….

It’s really hard to dig up those thoughts again; I never thought that reminiscing about my old school would be because of this. I am inconsolable at the moment, and I’m not even over reacting. He was so much a part of my childhood as Sherlock Holmes and the Fellowship of the ring are a part of my world.

A friend of mine said that he was Beda’s Dumbledore, and everybody just suddenly remembered that scene where all the wizards pointed their wands up to the sky. He was also my Gandalf too, very wise and very approachable.

San Beda will never be the same without Father Andy. He was more than just a Benedictine monk; he was our mentor, our father, and our friend. I know that he is happy wherever he is right now and our love for him reaches him. It was a privilege to have known Father Andy and I consider myself lucky that I was able to spend some time with him, even just for a few minutes. He was really one of a kind.

Rest in Peace Father Andy.

We will miss you…

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

I wouldn’t call it OCD because I wasn’t really diagnosed, and I don’t have “rituals” of sort. But I sometimes do things that are usually prompted by me feeling odd. Like for example, I’ll brush my teeth, even if I had brushed them earlier, just because I’m feeling very uncomfortable, stuff like that. I do have repetitive thoughts which are sometimes weird, in a way. I’m not a Germaphobe, but I do clean chairs and tables first, especially when eating out, before I seat. My mother, bless her, would always bring alcohol, it’s a ritual to pass it around. What’s weird though is that, I’m not really afraid of getting my hands dirty, it’s just sometimes my hand would get swollen whenever I touch something that doesn’t seem dirty, but actually is, and so from there I became cautious of what I touch. I forgot my other routines because I only follow them subconsciously, it’s like my brain decided to make plans without consulting me, I just notice that I’m doing the same kinds of things when I’ve already done it, like my small morning routine. I’ve also got tics, but I think that’s mostly Tourette Syndrome and I’ve actually, successfully overcome some of my tics so I think I can cross that out of the long list of what’s wrong with me.

I remember a time when the family was playing cards, I believe it was Bridge, and it was funny because whenever some of them would put down a card and it wasn’t aligned, I would always fix it. I think they noticed it because the next few cards that went down was obviously intentionally put down carelessly, then I had to fix it. I did say it wasn’t funny during that time, but thinking back, it wasn’t just funny, it was hilarious!

Now I’m trying to fight impulses that seem crazy in my mind. Because I am aware of what compulsions I’ve been doing and I know some of them are crazy, came to a point where I almost did something in front of an honored guest (haha!). I’m happy to say that so far I have been successful, I think it’s for the better also because my condition might get worse.

The same goes to my so-called Tourette tics. It was bad when I was young because I had facial tics, now I only have little body tics. I try not doing it even if it hurts. I don’t know about other people who have tics, but when I try not doing it, I always feel like it’s going to hurt.

I just want it to stop before it gets worst because I’m sure that if it does I would finally be diagnosed with having it. I’m also quite happy that I wasn’t made fun of, the family of course is an exception in that department, but yeah I never really had a problem with anything, I guess I’m lucky.

I hope some who really have the disorder would also have the support system I have, because it’s really hard. My experience is not even half of what those who are diagnosed are experiencing daily. Let’s go easy on them.

Escaping Reality

We all have been.

Everyone has different ways in doing so. Mine is through the books and the TV shows that I’m currently geeking over. I really didn’t care if I’ve already been called a dork, by my own kin at that. For me, the world that I have created for myself was the only world that existed. It has cost me much, but there are no worries in my world, which is more than enough for me.

In the fantasy land that we have all created, we are free to do pretty much everything that we wanted to do. We create different creatures, in my case, my world consisted of characters from books and shows and some other stuff my crazy mind wanted to create. No one is there to judge us, to tell us that we are a mess, to give us labels and all that sort of thing we avoid in the real world.

I have always imagined the Great Dragon flying overhead, and I was standing on a mountain ready to jump on its back. As we were flying, I could see a Shire-like village ahead, and a mysterious looking blue box which I assumed is the TARDIS in the middle. I can see the two ring wielders, one would be Frodo and the other Thomas Covenant, talking. These things I can see in my mind’s eye and these things are the ones, believe it or not, that is keeping me sane.

The thing is, I know it isn’t healthy to just suddenly isolate myself from the real world. But for me, it’s not also healthy to just dwell on the fact that the real world has gone completely mental and the only sane place I could go to is my world which I know will welcome me with open arms.

Of course, sometimes I can’t help mixing my world and the real world, which would usually make me say stuff that I would think is a cool thing to say but really it isn’t. I have been forced once to keep it on a down low simply because, according to some people, I’ve become weird and dorky. I really couldn’t care less.

But I know I can’t just shut reality out the door and lock it forever. I know that I would have to open that door and go out. I would have to face my old man Reality again and try to spend as much time as I possibly can in its realm. Maybe someday, I would play a part in Reality’s BIG change. And maybe someday, those things that makes our created realm a lot more appealing and peaceful, would be what reality would be in the future. I hope, someday.

To the dreamers, may we never stop dreaming of a better world, even if it is just in our minds. And maybe one day, we can make it into a reality.

Good day!

Geek in the making

I have successfully brainwashed my little sister into watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I have to admit, I was expecting her to be scared of it, she is after all, only 6 years old and the graphics in that movie was pretty hardcore. Plus she tends to be too girly at times that  I completely forgot she could actually handle stuff like this.

So, I was waiting for her reaction to the first few battle scenes, and most especially the scene where Bilbo Baggins face was like Gollum’s but scarier. I thought she was going to scream, but she just sat there, and asked “Why is the man mad?”,”Why do they have big feet?”,”Who is the wizard?”, the list goes on.

When I was planning to do this, I thought, well, after scaring I would have to laugh it off, but I was the first to break, I couldn’t take the questions. I got completely vexed that I just left her watching TV, and I could hear her…laughing. She was laughing, I find it a mockery of my original plan but I was really shocked.

After that whole ordeal (knowing that one of my little schemes to annoy my sisters did not work is and always will be a bad memory ), I was kind of proud of myself. She is a geek in the making and finally I would not be alone!

I’m not even being dramatic. My dad and I have been the only two people in the house quoting comic books, books, and TV shows for retort, and my mom and my sisters would just stare at us blankly.

Well, sometimes those things that we quote get us out of trouble but you know, it’s different when someone actually knows what or who you are referencing. It does have an advantage though, I was able to come up with witty retorts and/or statements because of my geekiness

For know I think, I’ll just have to wait for her to “evolve” or something like that. Call me what you want, but I was kind of proud of myself when she wouldn’t stop babbling about it, she even told me that she had a dream about it, for some youngsters, that dream would have been a nightmare, but she was smiling whilst telling us the dream.

Some pranks may not go as planned, but it will still yield results, one that you might actually like.

This is my little sister

I think, now that you’re seeing her, you might say that I’m a heartless person, but to my defense..well, let’s just say don’t be fooled by the innocent smile )

Anyway, I have to get back to what I was doing before this.

Seriously, dear readers, the library can do wonders!

Good day everyone!

Library Blues and NBA Victory

I’ve never actually,seriously used the library. I do go to a library, to borrow books, sometimes to just kill time, but I’ve never actually “stayed” in a library.

As I am posting this now, I am actually in a library and apart from killing time and updating myself on what’s happening in Game 6 of the NBA Finals, I am actually here to study, for the first time. I’ve never studied in a library before, I prefer to study at home, or outside where I can hear noises from other students. I am patting myself on the back just because of this *pat* *pat*

Actually, that’s it for the library bit, I’m just a bit bored.It’s not as quiet as people think, but it’s an okay atmosphere, I think, for studying.

What I really wanted to say was…BOOYAH!

Dallas won and I’m so excited to see my sister’s face when she hears about this. I was so happy I almost forgot I was in the library. I could seriously feel the eyes of the people passing by and looking at my laptop for the scores, but when fourth quarter came, and this really happened, some people just stopped walking and stayed behind me trying to look at my itsy bitsy laptop. I could feel pressure on me though because wifi here was slow, for some reason, I don’t really know, and I had to refresh every ten minutes. Anyway, it was a fairly good game, I think. But there was still five minutes left in the game when some people just called it in and said Dallas got this in the bag.

This must be a sign or something, I have a quiz later on and I’m going to assume this is a good sign, for me at least. That’s a confidence booster right there

Anyway, at this point dear reader, you might have notice that I’m already talking gibberish, and I agree. I didn’t know the library atmosphere would make my mind so talkative. This ever happen to you?

*SIGH*

I should stay in the library more often, especially when I need to write essays, I could just feel the idea-train chugging. I just invented a word to describe a train moving (okay maybe not, inform me if I have).

*GASP*

See!

I’m going to stop myself now, I seriously don’t know what I’m talking about anymore. I’m actually  just talking to myself, I think. Did you know 80% of the time, people are just talking to themselves when they’re speaking.

Dang! I’m doing it again. I’m sorry, this must be fairly weird to you. Yeah, okay I should stop now, I might scare you guys away.

Till next time!

Salad again!?

I have no problem eating healthy. It’s just hard when you get used to eating food you’re supposed to avoid in the past 3 months, that’s like junk food withdrawal. I don’t know why food that’s bad for you tastes so good. Anyway, we have to at least try though.

I have to say, because of books and the internet, I sort of have a sedentary lifestyle now, I’m not totally inactive, I’m just not as active as I’m supposed to be, and I was told that I have to do something about it. Plus the fact that during summer I was eating my way to death and spending an awful lot of time just sitting down, I did some legwork an hour a day, but that’s like 3 months of doing nothing vs. 1 hour of legwork.

Now that class has officially started, I did promise and sort of convinced myself, but more on convincing myself, to at least give healthy living a try. Besides, nothing dull happens in school, it’s not as mundane as anyone thinks it is. Other than running around the university going from one building to another, I now avoid soda (as much as possible), chips, sweets (not totally though, just once in a while), and fast food. That’s why I’ve decided to just bring my own food, at least I know it’s cooked out of love

I control my food intake that way. As for allowance, because you know, you might say bringing your own food won’t work because you still have money to buy food. What I do is, I leave more than half of my allowance at home, I’ve been doing this since 3rd year high school and the money I leave at home is my savings money which comes in handy when the need arises like for an emergency or something.

Anyway, I am giving this a try. There a lot of things I’m avoiding, coffee included, because apparently it’s hinders my growth. I’m so short I call myself a gnome. Hopefully this new thing that I’m doing works because I want to die of old age, not of a heart disease.